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www.PeterAndTheVampires.com
- by Darren Pillsbury
PETER AND THE VAMPIRES is a horror/comedy web novel (and a free podcast!)about a normal, 10-year-old kid who moves into a sinister town filled with supernatural horribleness. The series is composed of different "monster of the week" stories - kind of like THE X-FILES crossed with THE SIMPSONS (if Mr. Burns were a ghoul and something terrifying lived in the town dump). "Peter And The Dead Men" is the first story in the collection. A new page is posted every day.
Blog Archive
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2011
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January
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- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 21 and 22
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 19 and 20
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 16 thru 18
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 14 and 15
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 12 and 13
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 8 thru 11
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 7
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 5 and 6
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 3 and 4
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 2
- "Peter and the Boogeymen" Page 1
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January
(11)
6 comments:
Wow, someone needs to introduce this kid to World of Warcraft, channel some of that obsessive energy. Or, well, any hobby that takes his mind off stalking techniques.
I guess the fast track would just be to go and hang with the stoners first, since they straight up won't care who's around as long as they're high. Not a very PC option, but it'd probably work as an 'in'.
But, prediction! They see him, they beat sevn shades of sandwich out of him, his stalking gets found out by Mike. He then sells out Peter's movements so he won't tell Ms. Nolan, and cue story! And also the resurgence of Dark Peter. Mwahaha!
Cardsm = The main religion of the Yu-Gi-Oh universe.
Slight typo: " about how they would get first kiss:"
"get" should be removed.
A few observations about these 4 pages. The really long and seemingly run-on sentences really stuck out and seemed a little out of place to me. Compared to your other more concise writing it just feels weird and out of place.
Also, it seems that since the last story and its courtroom drama, the writing style has slightly changed. It seems like the target audience has shifted from kids to an older audience. Perhaps it's just me, but it doesn't read like a "Peter and the..." book.
These are some really bad kids in middle school. Although I don't doubt that stoner kids exist in middle school (bad society), it's more of a high school stereotype, but maybe I'm getting old. Also kids can't drive to middle school no matter how cool they are. While I'm sure they can drive, being able to park their car at school is a different matter, espeically with campus police. ;) Sounds like Mike is more a freshman in high school as opposed to a 7th grader.
As for Dr. Zimmerman, he was the creator of the holographic Doctor program in Star Trek Voyager.
wv: ingeo - it's not fun when it's a real word. Apparently it's the name of a synbthetic earth friendly fiber or something like that.
Rubberduck -
Haha! Yes, WOW would be a natural for this kid.
And yes, the Stoners would be the fastest way to join a social group, if he's willing to 'go to the Dark Side'...
Hmmmmm...interesting theory...
Jennifer -
Thanks for the typo catch!
Hm, if the run-on sentences are distracting (let me know, Other Faithful Readers), maybe I'll address that in the rewrites.
Yes, you're absolutely right that the style has changed. This story - or at least a good portion of it - is written from Scott's perspective. He's older than Peter, so his preoccupations are different (i.e. girls) and the language/style is different. Especially since he's a lovesick, introverted, obsessive 13 year-old.
In fact, if you look at most earlier PETER stories and contrast them with the courtroom story, you'll see that GRANDFATHER AND THE GROWNUPS has a slightly different style as well - since it's 97% from Grandfather's perspective. (The only part that isn't is the section between Dr. Prescott and Dr. V.) For instance, you'll notice that other than in dialogue from other characters, Peter is only mentioned by name 2 or 3 times. Otherwise, he's just 'the boy.' And Dill is always 'the idjit,' and Gwen is always 'the girl.' Because the story is told from GF's perspective, and that's how he refers to them in his mind.
But never fear, about half of BOOGEYMEN will be from Scott's overheated, lovelorn perspective, and the other half will revert to the style of previous stories, once Peter takes over as 'narrator' again.
As far as Mike, yeah, he's on the cartoonish side. Every PETER story needs an over-the-top villain. But...he's based on a real person.
The model for Mike was a punk with leather jacket and mohawk who bothered me in Drama class. I was in 8th, he was in 9th, and he was WAAAAAY bigger than me. The real-life person never bullied me to the extent that Mike bullies Scott - the real-life punk was even friendly towards me in a weird, abusive-older-brother kind of way - but there is something coming up that is based on a real incident.
See, 'Scott' is based on ME. I actually fell hopelessly, madly in love with a girl named Jennifer in 7th grade, and was obsessed with her until 12th grade (when I moved). My memory of her is pretty much as I've described her.
And NO, I never hid in the bushes after school and spied on her. But I WAS obsessed with her.
And yeah, there were some stoner kids in my junior high school. Not many, but a handful. Definitely there were lots of skaters.
And I never said anybody drove to school. The rich kid who steals his parents' BMW drives it around at night. (Also based partially on a kid I knew at school in 8th grade whose father had taught him how to drive, 'in case he needed to know for an emergency.' He ended up stealing the family car repeatedly when his parents weren't home.)
Also, kids can get rides from older siblings in high school. Or just walk, which is what I figure Mike and his gang do. Duskerville is small enough that many kids could do that. Riding the school bus was somewhere between uncool and neutral when I was in junior high, but you were WAAAAY cooler if you DIDN'T ride the bus...as long as Mommy or Daddy wasn't doing the driving.
Also, I state that Mike is a 9th grader, which makes him a freshman. (I'm basing Duskerville on my original hometown, where elementary was K-3, middle school was 4-6, junior high was 7-9, and high school was 10-12. I suppose Duskerville is small enough that it should be K-6, but...eh.)
Also, I state that Mike has flunked so many times that he's 16...which means he's at least the age of a normal sophomore in high school, maybe even a junior. Just like li'l brother Tad, who is in 6th grade but probably should be in 7th or 8th.
I went back and reread the 'Cool Kids' paragraph about the rich kid and the cheerleader...yeah, that IS the run-on sentence from hell. It doesn't add much, so I'm axing it.
V-word: etryst - what people have who meet over eHarmony.
Did anyone else have to look up Lando Calrissian?
Todd -
You just lost your STAR WARS geek cred.
Not that that's a bad thing, necessarily.
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